The Hermitage
April 23, 2019
A ruby throated hummingbird came to my feeder this morning. It was the first I’d seen.I’ve become accustomed to seeing the Black Chinned, and was only partially paying attention when a spectacular splash of red caught my eye.
But as quickly as I’d glimpsed it, it was gone. Then...there is was again!
This led to two thoughts;
My attentiveness--had I missed others?
and,
What is reality? What I see? Or what I think I see.
Or neither?
Hummingbirds have a patch of feathers called a gorget. Depending on how the light strikes the feathers the gorget changes color, flashing red (in this case) or gray..
So what color are the feathers? The answer is...yes. It seems the lower third of each feather is iridescent. The other two thirds is monochromatic.
I’m intrigued by how such insignificant events can lead me to ponder the reality of God.
Who is He? Really. Who is He?
Over the last few I’ve re-read two books on prayer that I found significant in times past; “Prayer is a Hunger” by Edward Farrell, and “As Bread That Is Broken” by Peter G. van Breemen. Both are long out of print.
I mentioned van Breemen’s quote in my last meditation, “Prayer is a waste of time.” (p. 40.) As I reflect today on choosing that passage I’m struck by what I unexpectedly retain when I read. The quote comes from a long exposition about praying with open hands and becoming, as the book title says, bread that is broken. Virtually every line in the chapter is underlined...except that one phrase. And yet...that phrase is what emerged from my memory when needed.
At any rate, both of these books are about being immersed in God.
About abandonment.
About becoming sacrament.
Prayer not as something you “do.”
Prayer as something you “be.”
Does this sound familiar? All from reading I did almost forty-five years ago.
Reflection
The challenge I’m taking away from both books today (which, obviously, may change in the future) is:
Do I have the courage to accept God as He is.
Or
Do I have to create Him in my own image?
In response...if I’m brutally honest with myself...
I don’t know.
If we’re talking about prayer, I could phrase it:
Am I praying in Him?
Or
Am I praying to Myself?
In honest response to this conundrum;
I think I’m afraid to go deep enough inside to find out what the truth might be.
And--continuing with trying be honest with myself--I’m not sure which of the alternatives is the scariest.
All of this over a patch of feathers...
I may have to take the feeders down.
Till then…
Thanks for journeying with me.