The Hermitage
September 19, 2019
Unless you read French I’ve probably lost you already. This is Réne Descarte’s original formulation of his famous “Cogito, ergo sum” — “I think, therefore I am.”
This meditation began several weeks back. I can’t really remember what triggered Descartes, but when I tried to write about it I just got bogged down in nonsense.
The basic gist was pondering why writing has become so important to me when I’ve hated it before...and hate is not too strong a word. When I retired I threw away a bunch of journals all with the same theme — it’s Lent. I have to journal. Blather for about ten pages and then...blank.
I tried re-stating the premise… “Scribo, ergo sum.” More blather. So I just filed it away, coming back to it periodically with the same results — until today.
I was on the veranda with Tito, drinking my morning tea and watching a well hidden doe at the back of the Forty Acres when...you guessed it. Another Wham!
Now I’m going to put in three disclaimers at this point and I hope you’ll hang in with me in spite of them.
This is probably going to sound whoo-whoo new age
It’s probably going to be pretty disjointed
And I’m sure it will be the longest piece I’ve written if I write it well.
With that taken care of, let’s dive in. First some background to the last few days.
I’m working on new systems to possibly begin my coaching/consulting again. Many of you know I abandoned the MBTI long ago in favor of one I think is truer to nature and Jung’s theories. I’m working on two other parts of the system that Sherry (Quantum Leap University’s founder) has added since I stopped coaching. (The details are extraneous here, but I’ll be glad to go into more depth if anyone’s interested.) Part of the training is to get really clear on your goals and your mission in life.
Won’t come as much of a surprise that I’ve been working on that for months now. More about it later. But here’s what hit me:
Decartes is wrong.
— and —
Being sick or healthy is a matter of the mind not the body.
I’ll deal with Descarte later. I want to unpack the awareness first...and here’s where it might sound funny to you but I’m going to try to justify it theologically, and, more importantly, biblically.
I’ve been sick for a long time now. That statement shouldn’t come as much of a surprise, but what I mean may be.
Let’s go through the history…
May 2, 2013 - Andrea was diagnosed with pulmonary fibrosis on our 49th anniversary - she was healthy.
Monday, April 27, 2015 - Diagnosed with aggressive, life threatening prostate cancer. I was healthy
2017 - cancer treatment ended - I was healthy
Friday, June 16, 2017 - Andea’s death - she and I were healthy
Thursday, September 7, 2017 - Diagnosed with hyperthyroid disease and afib - I was healthy
In the following two years I made two European river cruises and one mission trip to South Africa. I was healthy.
But somewhere in between there and today I got sick.
I think it was on the return from South Africa.
Now what I discovered in this chronology was I’ve been involved in the disease/trauma process for almost seven years...but I didn’t get sick until about five months ago.
And when I got sick, my self said, “Okay, whatever” (or if you’re Cajun — “ever what.”) “If that’s what you want. Shazam. You’re sick.”
What had changed? Almost seven years of disease/trauma and I’m healthy?” And in six months I get sick?”
You gotta be kidding me.
And here’s where God started digging deep...
Descarte was wrong.
I don’t “think, therefore I am.” I AM, therefore I think, write, travel, — you name it.
The first step in the process of digesting this was the awareness I needed to re-frame (to use a psychological term) my attitude.
“In 1948, the World Health Organization (WHO) defined health with a phrase that is still used today. “Health is not just absence of disease but a state of overall wellbeing.
...In 1986, the WHO further clarified that health is:
"A resource for everyday life, not the objective of living. Health is a positive concept emphasizing social and personal resources, as well as physical capacities." “
(emphasis from the source: https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/150999.php
Bottom line? I can think myself “healthy” or I can think myself “sick.” That is an attitude or state of mind. But before you decide I’ve gone off into the power of positive thinking or “name it and claim it” theology…
I cannot think myself out of a disease process. I can take action to do all I can to be disease free, but not by the power of positive thinking.
Obviously, God can do whatever he wants...heal me in an instant (as he's done before) or...
Barring His divine action, recovery from a disease process (which may never happen — see below) is a long and complex process. And process implies action, not wishful thinking or delusion.
The second step...where I direct my focus is going to strongly, strongly influence the outcome. Focus on positive...positive flows back. Focus on negative...negative flows back. Think about forgiveness vs. revenge. I cannot change the object of either. But I can change myself and set both of us free. “Forgive me my trespasses, as I forgive those who have trespassed against me.
The second reason Descate was wrong:
When Moses said, “Who shall I say sent me?” God didn’t respond, “I THINK.” He said,
I AM
Since I’m a child of God, created in His image, I, too, AM.
In God’s grace, it’s not about doing, but Being.
And you’re going to say, “Sure. I know that.” And I’ve personally known that for somewhere long of forty-five or fifty years. I’ve not only known it, I’ve taught it, preached it, counseled it, and lived it…I thought.
But there’s the rub...back to dear old Réne. I’ve known it.
Today, Thursday, October 19, 2019 the Spirit finally broke through the barriers and embedded it in my soul and spirit.
And knowing has taken on a whole new perspective. This is the second epiphany I’ve had in as many months.
Paul, in Second Corinthians 12, wrestles with this as he writes:
“ I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me.”
And God responds:
“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”
NIV
And after weeks, if not years, of chasing after my ministry, I finally realize I was looking under the wrong streetlight. (If you haven’t heard that joke let me know and I’ll explain it to you.)
I don’t need to know what my ministry is. I need to know my mission in life.
Mission is being...Ministry is doing. And if I want to be in the center of God’s plan for my life I need to be living dead-center in the middle of my MIssion. Otherwise I’m burning a lot of energy for nothing.
The Episcopal Church got caught up in that in the ‘60s, replacing social work with discipleship, and is still caught in the quagmire of social/political correctness.
As I’ve realized through 81 years of adventure, that the doing can — and does — often change. I’m getting ready to write the chronology of my life, and I already perceive it’s going to read like a dime novel - hyperactive, impulsive and a whole bunch more adjectives.
Let me put this in real life terms.
Have you ever known anyone who, though their body was wracked with disease, was still profoundly spiritual...joyful, centered, and enthusiastic.
Over the course of forty-five years of active ordained ministry I’ve had the blessing of knowing many. But one in particular stands out. An elderly woman (late 70’s? Early 80’s? Hard to tell because it was irrelevant) who was bedridden and had been for many years.
But she was one of the most powerful prayer warriors I’ve ever met. And from her attitude you’d never guess anything was wrong with her.
Ever known, or heard about, a veteran who’s body is terribly mangled but is doing incredible things?
And here, for me, is the best part.
All my life I’ve lived with the attitude, ‘If I really want something, I’ll accomplish it.” And I’ve suddenly comprehended I still can. That attitude is at the core of my being. How, is a totally different matter. Somewhere along the way I lost it and in doing so I’ve paid a terrible price.
Some of my greatest memories (and one of the pictures I treasure the most) are from the Colorado backpacking trips with some of the men from Resurrection. 11,000 feet - twice.
Could I make it today under my own steam? Possibly...but doubtful. Could I sit by that 11,000 foot lake again if I really set it as a goal in life? Sure! All I have to do is charter a helicopter.
But that’s a ministry for the past. And I’m healthy again, after months of sickness, so new and different adventures lie in the future.
When I was seeking ordination I was asked by the Commission on Ministry, “What is your mission in life?” And I answered, “To Preach, To Teach, and To Heal.” And that was true enough, but now I realize those 30 years were just a phase of ministry in my life.
The answer was close, but incomplete. The ensuing years were so enjoyable because they were congruent with my authentic mission in life.
What’s my new ministry? Interestingly enough, after months of struggle, that question is irrelevant. No, that’s misstated. If I live out my mission every day my ministry will follow...and it may be different every day.
The new adventure is continuing to clarify, and live into, my “being” — my mission in life.
I’m not going to write my mission out here, for two reasons…
One, it’s a full page long, and this is already long enough
Two, it’s a work in progress.
But if you’re still hanging in with me after all the above, I’d be glad to share it with you.
Till then…
Thanks for journeying with me